Yesterday was a good day

I woke up in a good mood yesterday. The same drama with the children. They decided that they would like to end the school year on a Friday instead of the following Tuesday. This is fine, they already got their report cards and they are all going to the next grade, plus I could never see Marco again and that would be fine. I picked them up from school and brought them over to their dads house. After dropping them off I lounged at home, listened to some music and just relaxed. I had a date last night… with him and his kids. I know, kind of quick to meet the kids but I agreed to go to the drive-ins. I was a nice night. His children are pretty cool and we connected a lot more. One family meeting down and two to go. He has to meet my children and them all the children need to meet each other.

If we decide to further our relationship, we must figure out how to combine two families of 4. Two of the children have similar names. Five of the children’s names start with “D”, as it stands, in July, there will be three 7 year-old (mine) an 8 year old, a 9 year-old and, a 10 year-old. Tht is a lot of kids! They are all bi-racial and they are all very energetic. Oh and they are all boys.

Never abandon your dreams

My first passion in life was baking. I played around with food and flavors as often as possible. I was really good at it. All through high school I cooked and baked; for the school store, for class and, at home. I had the opportunity to possibly receive a scholarship to Johnson and Wales University through my high school. I wanted to cook! Anywhere! I decided that I wanted to cook for the Army and so I signed up to join.

I took the ASVAB test, I went through the physical, I raised my right hand and swore an oath to the country. I was excited! Somewhere in the madness of the excitement and possibilities, my life took a left turn. I fell in with the wrong crowd, my mothers’ demands began to be overwhelming, life became difficult. I lost the thrill for baking and the reason for my dreams. I no longer wanted to have more. Upon abandoning my dreams and dealing with all the stresses of the world, I abandoned high school. All of the faculty did everything in their power to get me to return to school. My grades were excellent, without my effort. The final proposal was to attend my senior year taking all junior classes and one senior class and graduating with my class. I declined.

I met my future husband and spent all of my time with him, he was living my dream. He was in the military. I played with his gear, tried on all of his stuff and loved it.

I buried my dreams for a long time, and it is taking a longer time to reach them now. I still bake on occasion, now for my kids. I still think about joining the military and I am in the process of trying to become a police officer.

I hate that I abandoned my dreams way back then, but now I am a degree holder, Associate degree in Science/ Criminal justice. I took the longer path in life, approximately 12 years longer, but I am back.

Adding to the list

Yesterday I started to form my dating checklist, or questionnaire if you will, and the list seemed grim in nature. Why would one have to ask those questions of another? Well I got news for ya’ that was just because of one person. Yes all of that and more is totally for one person. I have been dealing with this person since thanksgiving 2012 and it went from weird to worse. It wasn’t an on again off again kind of relationship but it often seemed that way. I remember one day in January or February I made a statement along the lines of “……..not like we’re boyfriend/girlfriend…….” this sent him into a rant because apparently, to him, we were. I didn’t have the heart to break his because he often said “please don’t rip my heart out” and although it wasn’t my thing, I wasn’t going to be the cause of someones’ demise. On graduation night, he said he wanted to take me out for drinks (I know enabling and alcoholic is horrible but he’d been drinking all day and at least I could see that he got home safe). He couldn’t decide were to go and because I don’t go out , I didn’t care (I knew I’d have less than a beer). After we finally found a place, half a beer later, he no longer felt comfortable there and so we left. we bickered about where to go because I had no answers so finally I dropped him off. I told him this was supposed to be a happy day for me (I just graduated college!) and I just didn’t want to fight. After a slam of my truck door and a mumbled dig he was off. I text him a day or two later and I’m like “what are we doing” (in the metaphorical sense) and apparently we were no long boyfriend/girlfriend. That was a relief and I changed my status on Facebook. We haven’t been in the same space since. I have text him and he is still doing crappy but hopefully he decides to make the move closer to family. I wish him luck and sanity.

Today I was supposed to go out to dinner with another guy I had no interest in dating (I think I have a problem). This one I met sometime in December. I stopped responding to his text for two months and he text EVERYDAY. I thought at first it was cute, persistent but it quickly changed to stalker. He often comments on my statuses and pictures and contacts me via every outlet imaginable. I finally agreed to go to dinner until I felt something was amiss. I explained to him that I was not feeling the date and it was me not him. Then there was this:

With comment about being done and stuff.. Look I canceled a date with you that I have been avoiding for a half a year, I didn’t tell you I hate you and lets break up. Let’s face it I should have not caused that reaction. But alas, he says that “if you change your mind I would like to take you to dinner. I don’t care when or how.. but I’ll let you make that call…” Oh boy

So now with two down (kind of) It’s time to “get my grind on” (work)

Ready……. Set…….. Ready……..

I am getting a little tired of whomever may be pushing the begin again button on my life.

It was, at one point in my life, fun and exciting to have a new start. To start things anew. The day after a rain storm kind of outlook on life. I am back at start with a lot of things in my world. I am back looking for a job. I am back to meeting a new companion. I am back to figuring things out and I am tired. I am exhausted.

I guess, much like every time this button, this annoying frustrating button, is used, I have no other recourse but to push forward. Pick myself up by my figurative bootstraps and keep it moving.

………Strength in numbers but an army of one

Lost for words and Ideas

I am completely stuck again. It seems like I am always saying this very same thing. I think I use these times to kind of focus on the problem by writing it down and then I can work through the problem and come up with a viable solution.

Here is my problem; My youngest nephew has a problem. I noticed it as a problem a few years back but we always seem to laugh it off. He will, in the middle of the night, go through my house and eat every snack item in sight and hide the evidence. When he is confronted on the issue it is complete denial. He would do this so often that I had stopped buying so many snacks and have to continuously tell him what not to devour. It had gotten so bad that, one day when I was cleaning in the laundry space I looked inside of a cooler and found a slew of wrappers from all the candy that I keep around the house and disallow my kids to constantly eat. I again asked him, he again denied. I would explain to him that we live in this house everyday and none of these mysterious things happen until he comes. My kids even complain because, “mom, he’s gonna eat all the snacks”. I feel bad but I do not buy as many snacks as I used to.

Because I don’t so those things any more, he would go through my personal things and find any candy or gum and eat it. He would then leave wads of gum on the floor, the table, the counter, anywhere. One day I was getting ready to leave the house and as I went to turn out the light, I noticed that a candy man, made of fully wrapped gum, tootsie rolls, and a box of raisins, was now just a box of raisins hanging from a string, again denial.

My sitter had asked me where her toothpaste was, and why her flashlight was taken apart and batteries removed, I had no answer but him. I wouldn’t ordinarily jump to a conclusion but earlier that day I picked his head phones up from the floor and went to place them in his bag when I noticed that he had taken more than half of my flosses; the single ones. I had also noticed that there was a dismantled flashlight on the bathroom counter and one on the kitchen counter.

Tonight he is here again, short notice and I had purchased some snacks and stuff which I quickly hidden in the pantry. As I am readying myself to go to the store, something told me to go to the laundry room because I had thrown a silver certificate on the top shelf when I found it somewhere strewn about the house. I searched and searched and the certificate is gone. I know it doesn’t have legs, it’s a dollar bill. My kids are too short to get up there. I asked him to keep an eye out for it, just so he knows that I know that it’s missing, he immediately went to the area that it was in, and said he would keep an eye out. I went to the store fully expecting that upon my return I would find the dollar in it’s place but know. I have though, gotten questions about it’s value and importance.

It’s a sad day.

When you finally find motivation to move on.

I finally found what I needed to so that I realized that my 2 year relationship was full of lies and deceit. Two years of being head over heels. Two years of worry for not. Two years of mistakes and hard lessons. I have finally learned from them. I am not selling anything to you but if you would like to see the once love of my life, head right over to

http://www.tagged.com/profile.html?uid=5443381405#fpt=2&fpa=pic

He signed of for this account 3 months after we were together, however we had been talking for 6 by then. He was last on 3 months ago which is about the time he was asking me to quit my job, move in, and start a family with him. He went so far as to describe the single family home he was looking at the day before he “disappeared”. His profession is so far from what he told me and he has about 459 female “friends” on this online profile which he said he was not allowed to have. I only wish that he would have been honest because I had a lot at stake and he knew EVERYTHING about me which makes me feel as if he used that information to his advantage. I do, however, believe in karma and so all will work out for the best.

Message to you, if you’re reading this, you should probably contact for a cease fire because the more time that goes by, the angrier I become. I just want you to look me in the eyes and tell me what I need to know. Plus I really want my stuff back. If nothing else please put my kids pictures in an envelope and drop them in the mail.

Untitled

I think that I need to find a way to reduce the stresses in my life. I feel like I am getting old before my time. Day after day that goes by I feel like I age a year. I want to be young still, I mean I’m only 29. I feel like I should be in a home soon. I’m super exhausted and the stress is causing crazy problems. I feel like my blood pressure is through the roof and it should not be. I just do not know what to do.

On a brighter note, my twins will graduate kindergarten tomorrow morning. I am excited to see the finally get into big boy classes. They are already reading at a second grade level so I think they should do fine……..But maybe that will make them more arrogant then I would like. That is the problem I had this year with their brother in the 1st grade. He was already reading and adding and stuff, so he thought that he could let the teacher know by not paying attention in class. It took a while to get him to understand that, although he knows a lot, he still has a lot more to learn. He figured that out when he began having problems doing word problems.

Sucks to have such a long week ahead of me, worked one day and still have five more to go. I really have got to reconsider this whole Postal thing, yeah it’s great pay and benefits and it could possibly open some other federal doors in the future for me but……..6 days a week, split shifts which means I’m out for 12hrs a day, I miss my kids and I miss sleep.

Would be a bit easier if I had another adult to come home to, to vent to , relieve stress with.

I guess some people never learn

How do I manage to always forget the stuff that I have been through and  just get myself back into the same nonsense. I guess that I have a problem or a need for a complicated life.  I now have the same annoyance that I had back in 2010. Roommate, well live in nanny, this should be a helpful thing because I have the help, but because she keeps touching things I ask her not to I have lots of frustration.  I guess I just need to keep repeating myself and hope that someday it will stick. I should be grateful that I have the help, and trust me, I am. I just never thought I would allow myself to get in the very same situation that I hated so very much two years ago.

 

Budget friendly Sunday fun

We had a blast today, Sunday. A hot day and a broke mother. I ran to the dollar store and grabbed four water pistols similar to these:

I got two buckets for water and filled them up. We split into two teams using the one potato, two potato method . Each team got one bucket and could not venture ahead of it. We then went at it. I got pretty wet in the battle as did the children. After that we (by we I mean me) fired up the grill and had hotdogs and burger with ham fried rice and salad and chips.

I spent maybe thirty dollars all together for the Sunday fun. There is never any reason why you can’t have something fun to do with kids. They really do just enjoy the simple things in life, simple things like a playful parent.

Let’s go for a ride

Sunday, June 10, 2012- Day 1

I will gather all of the necessary paperwork that will undoubtedly prove that the company I leased my vehicle through is not only a sham of a company, but they are acting in very illegal dealing with their customers, well I only speak for myself and the my experiences with the company. I am not, in any way, well versed in the laws of leasing, but I suspect that after this is all over I will have grained an extensive amount of knowledge and will be able to weed out the shams in my future vehicle leasing and/or purchasing.

The list of things I have experienced with this company are numerous and costly

-illegal repossession

-fraudulent insurance claims

-the changing of my personal insurance policy without my consent

-holding my vehicle for ransom

-agreements made and papers signed under duress

-possibly not taking the correct amount off of the lease when payments are made.

This should be very interesting and maybe I will be able to use this experience in my future criminal justice classes, court procedures course in coming up.

2004 Dodge Stratus