Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

1st is the worst

October 23, 2012 5 comments

The first squabble is always the hardest one to deal with. When you do not know the other persons buttons it can be very nerve wracking, the first tiff. I thought I had jinxed the new blossoming relationship by posting about it, but no I think things will be ok. Darrell felt slighted by my desire to not go very far physically. At first I thought that this was just madness but then upon explaining his feelings I realized that I was in the wrong sort of. Yes it is possible for people to admit when they have wronged another. I had led him on in a way in which turned out painful in the end. I felt bad, however, I don’t practice or promote promiscuity but….:: I could have also shut down the somewhat heavy petting that we were conducting.

It had been a whole day and a half of radio silence on his part and I was for sure that he or I would cease all communication. We broke the silence today, both headstrong individuals decided to call a truce. This is a promising sign. One which gives hope to the original thought that this would be a lasting endeavor.

Although I am ready to jump back into the place we had left off, minus the heavy petting this time of course, I think I will give it a little more time because, after all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.



Life sends odd people in your direction

October 13, 2012 1 comment

I ranted on and on yesterday about the three new people that I have had the opportunity to converse with. Randy, Jeremy, and mason. I had left out of the equation, Larry. Larry I left out for a reason. He is almost like a fictional character, one in which you only speak to for a good chuckle. He does like sending texts that make you wonder what is really going on in his mind. I got one text that says; good morning babe. I almost asked if he were texting the wrong person but opted for the non-response approach to the situation. Where would he have gotten the impression that I was his babe in any way shape or form? I never even gave off the impression that I was interested in any sort of romantic connection we have not even made it to a friendship level.

Moral to the story; stop forcing your way into someone else’s life it will never do any good for you.

Moving on is sometimes hard

October 12, 2012 2 comments

It has been tremendously hard tomography past past, I have tried so very hard, there was the possibility of Mason and Jeremy and of course the conversation was halted several times when trying to get to know Randy. Sufficed to say none of these boys have come close to peaking my interest.

Randy, super spiritual, we have the same core beliefs and his intelligence is a real turn on. He however is flaky and very easy to put out of mind. He is generally not my type for the most part but again, has the mind of a god which I would want much more than a body of an angle.

Jeremy, he and I would never have been an item. He is emotionally warped and the only thing that we has in common is our race. He is a complete thug and even our conversation was misunderstood ie. I say burned in the sense of being hurt in a previous relationship, he refers to burned as a sexually transmitted illness. Enough said.

Now for Mason, good old Mason. He’s a good ol’boy from, get this, in north. Laugh out loud. He sounds like he is dire fly from the south but his actions do not match. I’ve lived down south, the people there were friendly and non judgmental whereas he judged EVERYTHING from people to the type of electronics that you have. Again not going to work well together.

That being said I’m still in the process of ridding my mind of Paul. But I have started conversing with a gentleman named Derek he’s cute, sweet , and friendly but I happened to fall asleep in the middle of a text conversation and when I woke up the next day was overwhelmed by; what happened to you’s and you must not want to talks and much more paranoid insecure paraphernalia.

I may just be lonely old Miranda with a million cats and dogs until the end.

Judgement day is over

October 10, 2012 Leave a comment

I realize that I no longer judge others and this I why I don’t care how others judge me. It’s a simple and extremely easy change that people can make in their lives that will make them feel better about themselves. It takes no effort and has no opportunity cost. You’re not missing a nothing by not judging how someone else lives their life, you’re only adding years of stresslessness to your own life. Think about how clear your mind would be if you didn’t care what that next girl was wearing or how much they drank the previous night. Think about the benefits of being able to open your closet and pick out an outfit with ease and not wonder if the world will love or hate it, that in and of it self will add hours to your day.

Give It a try, just one day, choose not to judge others.

Categories: personal Tags: , , ,

Clubs, Cops, and Chaos

October 6, 2012 Leave a comment

I received a text message this morning saying that my cousin was a “mess” and that my ex husband was shot at last night. I, of course, called immediately to find out what had happened. My ex works at a cub once a week doing security. He said to me that he had to break up about 5 fights a the club last night. amidst the drama and chaos he saw my cousin pick up a wooden bar stool and hurl it over the distance of the club in the direction of people. Thank goodness that she, yeah she, was no hurt in the bar scuffle. He had also said that either before or after, he had seen a man take shooters stance and fire a shot into the crowd, then the subject retreated to the parking lot where he then fired three more shots. One of the bullets came dangerously close to hitting my ex, also known as the father of my children. Thankfully he decided on his own that this club security scene is no longer for him and I didn’t have to battle to get him to resign. He did, however, manage to help the officers on the scene locate a  missing shell casing which will make a great resume builder for him in his quest for a law enforcement position.

I often wonder why it is that this violence occurs in our city. This club is not known for its fights and gun shots and now when it just so happens to be “hip hop” night fists and bullets fly freely. I wish that people would only see that they are allowing people to continue on with the stereo types because of the probability. It is a bad look and a long road to travel.

This may very well do an enormous amount of damage to the business, London billiards, what it will certainly do is disallow for a “hip hop” show to make its way into the facility again. This is too bad.

Why Do We Cheat this life?

October 3, 2012 Leave a comment

I am trying to figure out why it is that people try to take the easy way out all the time. I enjoy the hard work that I do in order to get what I have or even miss what I can’t achieve. I like the fact that when I buy something new, it’s because I earned the right to do so. I don’t, however, understand how people can go about this world, skating through rather, to get what they need. Why do people opt to use others and take the easy way out? Do you then feel the same satisfaction that I do when I earn my way? Is that the part of life that is rewarding to others? “see how much I can get for nothing”.

These and many more are questions that I struggle to find the answers to. I sometimes think that I never will find the answers which, on its own, is a bit disheartening. I do get to ask and probe and research and that keeps my mind occupied.

I enjoy the occasional lounge day, vegging out on the couch all day long, doing absolutely nothing. But could you imagine doing that all day long? No attainable dreams, no goals, no life at all, I would lose the reason for being.

This is definitely a topic I would love to explore with people of all walks of life. It is a sociological, psychological hot topic that has a lot to do with EVERYTHING.

I’m sure I already titled something “sleepless”…..

October 1, 2012 Leave a comment

I can not  sleep tonight. I have been laying here for hours, yeah I go to bed early, unable to even doze off. I hadn’t had any coffee this evening, and I don’t think that the 16 ounces of Pepsi is keeping me up. I haven’t indulged on chocolate and I shied away from other sweets today as well. As I was sitting on the steps of my building, in the chilly Autumn air, I thought about one thing, and one thing only, Miranda and Paul.

Miranda has had a rough life, every moment of her existence has been an uphill battle and as far as I know, she really doesn’t know Paul as much as she thought after all. Miranda tries so hard to live life as pleasant and positive as possible and she sometimes finds it difficult. She’s a decent student and a kindhearted individual. Simply put she would give you the shirt off her back, knowing full well that you will take that shirt and set it a blaze right before her eyes. I pray for Miranda on a nightly basis, I pray for her prosperity and most importantly her survival.

I hope that someday Miranda’s life becomes full and fabulous, just as fabulous as she would want it. I am fine with her not being a part of Paul’s life, and vice versa however, I loved their story. She met him on a whim, on a mere dare to be bold and take control of her sexuality. She expressed her need for a solely intimate encounter with him and he agreed to this arrangement. She told him that it would never get personal, they would never discuss anything more than when they would meet to satisfy carnal urges, to fulfill adult needs. That plan went south fast and she is still unclear as to whom it was to kill that arrangement. They, at least in her mind, had a whirlwind love affair which was satisfying sexually, mentally, and emotionally. It wasn’t until slightly over a year into this love affair that she began to notice that many of the things that Paul did, were done solely for the purpose of controlling her actions and by then it was too late. Too late for her to go back and make this a simple “booty call”, to make it an occasional hook-up. It was too late to remove the feelings that she had developed and she was screwed.

She is sad now, two and a half years later. She’s sad confused and mostly bored. She has tried to rid herself of the feelings that she once had for him, yet they linger on in her soul, as black as night and as sharp as daggers. She doesn’t cry anymore from the grief of a lost relationship, she only wanders, like a lost child in deep woods in the dead of night, she wanders. She smiles and laughs, makes people feel good yet can’t push past the numbness in her chest.

She doesn’t want to crave the attention of just any man, she wants the life that she envisioned with him, the picket fence and all. She knows that if she seeks it, it will never be but it’s hard.

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